Host:

In the past, pregnancy and childbirth have been considered women’s business. Men were usually relegated to the sidelines as casual observers. In today’s American society, a lot has changed since smoke-filled waiting rooms and detached fathers.

Now fathers are encouraged, and even expected, to play an active role in the process.

Of course, playing an active role can be tough without a “play book.” That’s why we’ve asked a doctor to coach us on some of the plays we’ll find useful during the next several months.

Host:

I really want to be involved in every step of our pregnancy. But I was never taught how. Men just don't feel comfortable with this stuff. How can I be a “team player”?

Doctor:

There are many ways to get connected to the pregnancy process and be a full partner. Here are a couple of ideas:

1. Do some reading to find out more about what you and your partner can expect
2. Go with your partner to her appointments, hear your baby’s heartbeat, see the ultrasound, and ask questions
3. Get ready for your baby, go shopping for things, get the room ready, be involved in all of the preparations
4. Share your partner's limitations, don't drink or smoke, eat right, exercise
5. Talk to your partner and be honest, let her know how you are feeling
6. Bond with your baby, feel him move, and talk to him before he’s born

Host:

What’s going to happen to our sex life? I'm afraid to even go near my wife. What if I accidentally hurt her or the baby?

Doctor:

Many people fear that sexual relations during pregnancy could be dangerous. However, there are very few instances when sex can cause harm, and your provider should tell you if these situations apply to you. One general rule is that you should not have intercourse if your partner has any vaginal bleeding.

Intimacy during pregnancy is a way of maintaining your close bond. Your partner may be less interested in sex during the first trimester and near the end of the pregnancy, but she still will need intimacy. Be creative in your expressions of love, and remember to talk with your partner and express your feelings and needs. She can’t read your mind.

Host:

My wife seems like an emotional mess. She cries for no reason and then she acts silly. No matter what I do or say, it’s wrong.

Doctor:

Changing hormone levels and other physical changes going on during pregnancy sometimes make it harder to predict how to approach your partner. Try to be understanding. Give her some space but remain available and loving. Be patient - - mood swings do have their positive side. Anger and frustration will only make matters worse and could escalate into arguments that you just can't win. If you find yourself getting angry, find someone to talk it out with. Remember that most moody episodes are short and that pregnancy doesn’t last forever.

Host:

What if something happens to her? I've heard all kinds of stories about pregnancy and childbirth. Is it possible that she could die and it would be my fault?

Doctor:

Rest assured that the odds of a normal pregnancy and childbirth are greatly in your favor. Reassure your partner, support a healthy diet and exercise, and maintain a positive attitude. Chances are she’ll be fine and so will you.

Host:

How do we know if we’ll have a healthy baby?

Doctor:

Nowadays, your chances of having a healthy baby are over 95%. This is especially true if your partner gets good prenatal care, follows a good diet and takes her vitamins.

Host:

I have to admit that I’m a little worried about me. I don't know if I'll like being a father. In fact, I’m not sure I can be a good father. I mean, you can't put the kid back if things aren't working out.

Doctor:

These worries are natural. Fatherhood is an amazing responsibility, but you don't have to be perfect. Don't worry about liking your child. Babies have a magic way of making their parents love them, despite the fact that they are a tremendous amount of work. For some reason you will gladly do things for your child that you would never consider doing for anyone else. And the bond grows stronger day by day.

Since you and your partner are in this together, the bond between you can also grow and become even more special. There will be times that are hard but the rewards are great. If your partner is breast-feeding, you can help by bringing the baby to her at feeding time, or burping the baby and then cuddling him to sleep. If someone could patent the feeling of your infant sleeping on your chest, they would be rich. It is a feeling like no other in the world. In just a few days you will wonder how you managed to live without this child.

There will be frustrating times for all of you, but you get through them together and all grow in the process. It’s important to address your frustrations and even take some breaks from your baby. Plan some dates with just you and your partner a few weeks after delivery.

Your wife will really need you right after delivery. Make sure she gets some sleep, and get some yourself. It will help you all make the adjustments necessary to go from being a couple to being a family.

Host:

I’m a little worried about being with my wife during labor and for the delivery. I’m not crazy about medical stuff, but I really want to be supportive. I guess I just have mixed feelings. I hate not being in control of a situation, and I don't want to mess this up.

Doctor:

It’s quite normal to be worried about your first delivery room experience. Your wife is going to be uncomfortable. It’s not unusual for men to experience a powerful mix of emotions. You’ll probably feel concerned about the well-being of your wife and baby. Some men feel very nervous, out of control and even guilty. You want to do more, but can't. You can limit these feelings by learning as much as possible about the process and by preparing to be an active participant, rather than a passive observer. This is your child too and the labor and delivery process should be a team event.

Your partner will need your support and encouragement more than ever. It’s natural for her to feel discouraged at various times during labor. The word "coach" is really appropriate for what you can do to help. You can help her keep focused and cheer her progress. You can talk to the nurses and providers and explain things to your partner. And, finally, just being there gives the message that you care and are part of the process. It’s an emotional roller coaster that ends in one of the most remarkable high points of life, the miracle of the birth of your child.

Host:

I know you may still feel a little insecure about pregnancy and delivery. In fact, it's probably normal to feel that way. Remember lots of people have felt just like you, and they've gone onto be successful coaches, husbands, and fathers. You'll find a way. Don't be too proud to ask for help. There's no shortage of advice. Trust yourself and your partner. Be informed and involved. Things will work out, and you'll look back on your fears with some amusement later on. This is one of life's most significant and amazing events. Get the most out of it that you can.